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Posts Tagged ‘surrender’

Through my window I can hear the soothing sound of the constant flow of the river Ganga… or ”mother Ganga”, as they say here. The unfamiliar things, customs and people passing my eyes are merely reflections of my mind’s eye. A whirling river of colors, fragrances, people that dwell inside of me as well as in the external world. Everything is everywhere and I am everything. Something that has risen to the surface during my journey so far is the power of choice, expression and of surrendering, and how spiritually crucial it is that we acknowledge these things. All of these are connected to the fifth chakra, biologically connected to the throat and the thyroid.

To me, people could take away everything from me but the last thing I would give up nowadays would be my freedom of choice. In fact, I’m constantly amazed over how lightly some people take on this and how few actually take advantage of it. You always have a choice. Even the choice of not making a choice is in itself a choice! We must guard this and use it at all times, to grow spiritually. So many people give away (no wonder there are so many people suffering from under-functioning thyroid) their power of choice to someone else; to society, religion, cultural customs, spouse, family, co-worker… the list could go on and on! As someone wise said; life isn’t about finding oneself but about creating oneself and to define who you are you need to make choices. All the time. Choices are like the hands of a skilled potter, shaping the moist clay between his hands into something beautiful and useful.

Our choices define us, every day and as we evolve, we (hopefully!) move up through the chakras and our choices will have less and less to do with plain survival and more and more with spiritual development. But we can also excercise the ability to make higher choices. The first three chakras, situated at the navel and below, is concerned with our physical ability to survive and reproduce in a hard world. Choices made from these chakras will not be spritual or intellectual.

The fourth chakra is the gate keeper through which choices benefiting the higher centres will be made once the are approved by the heart. We need to ask ourselves whether the choice we are about to make belongs to the lower or the higher chakras? Am I making this choice because of fear of not surviving? Of not reproducing? Of not making money? Of not being accepted by my tribe? Or does my choice qualify for spiritual development? None is better than the other, so don’t judge yourself – simply develop an awareness! If you are homeless, you will naturally make a choice of getting food and roof above your head than some spiritually developing choice.

Then there’s the importance of expressing our choices and our will to the world. If we don’t, the prana/energy in the 5th chakra area becomes thick and sluggish with unexpressed feelings and opinions. We are born to communicate, born to express ourselves. Children (and old people who have lost their wits) constantly express themselves, until they are taught that it is bad mannered and they are forced into normalization (and out goes their natural psychic abilities).

Another spiritual quality connected to the 5th chakra is (and this is a bit contradictive indeed) is the ability to surrender to divine guidance, to divine will. This is extremely difficult for most of us, because it often creates a conflict with our ego, who likes to be in charge. For me this is probably the most challenging in my spiritual practice. The ability to let go, surrender and trust that all is well. I simply cannot trust that things will work out to my benefit, unless I am actively getting involved in it. Getting involved is of course good; if you’re uninvolved in your own life, you’re in serious trouble! But you have to be able to let go sometimes, have a little faith and trust that there is a higher purpose, an intelligent force whose intentions are good and that there’s always a bigger picture –  a master plan of which you only see a small, small part of.

 

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Today I woke up with a throbbing migraine. The kind that keeps you in bed almost the entire day with the curtains down and a desperate prayer for it to just go away. It was so bad that I actually cried. My migraine attacks are double-edged swords. I see them as warriors, coming to cut through maya, the veil of illusion in my life and clear my sight when I am confused or heading down the wrong path. They are merciless, cruel and inflict such pain that it’s almost unbearable at times, but they always show up for a reason.

When you lie there with a cold cloth on your forehead and just waiting for the torture to stop, then you have an awful lot of time to think. In fact there’s nothing else but you, darkness and mind. Suddenly it’s very obvious where your thoughts and normally they are not in the right place. The moment I get the message the migraine slowly pulls back, like the tide and leaves me exhausted on the shore of new insights. Pain is very humbling indeed. 

This is the downside of growing up in a society where you’re raised to think that everything is your own responsibility – no one else’s! Make it or break it – it’s up to you. We can stretch our minds to believe in the power of DNA, but divine interference? A master plan? A destiny? Forget it… The rational mind takes over and tells you: “Look Miss, if you want anything done in this life – you better do it yourself!” and there we go… trying to spin a giant web over our lives, where our dreams and hopes will stick like fat flies because of our efforts.

What my migraine told me today was that I have to surrender… the web has gotten too big now and it’s out of my control. I have to let go and trust that the universe eventually will answer my prayers. Put my ego (oh God, this is a tough one!) aside and hope that there’s something or someone out there who know better than me what is the best for me. I guess I’ll have to look at it as a retirement? That I’ve given up the position as CEO for my life to a higher force and just like old people and children I need to be present in the moment; allow myself to be seduced by the tea, the fragrant flowers, the sunlight and all the weird and wonderful thing that exists in the world and more than anything trust the goodwill of the Universe. But I don’t. Not yet. 

So today I panted: “Fine, I surrender, God damn it!!” and the migraine started to withdraw… On shaky legs I went for a slow walk in my neighborhood, keeping the promise of paying more attention in mind. To fool my mind, I told myself that “what if I know that tomorrow I will be hit by a car and this is the last walk I’ll take… wouldn’t it be nice to have a look around?” and so I did. It became the most beautiful walk in a very long time and in spite of getting weird glances from the people I passed, I stopped and smelled 7 different flower. That doesn’t sound like life changing, right? But for me it kind of was… and I realized once again that enlightenment comes slowly, gradually with small insights like this. It can come during meditation, asanas or through a migraine. The important thing is to embrace it and act on it… 

Next time you’re going for a walk, take the time to smell the flowers and admire their immaculate design… A design that only could’ve been divine inspiration… and have faith that the designer of the immaculate flower is creative enough to have some inspiration left for your life and your prayers too.

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